Down. Down. Down.

I'm having one of those down in the dump days. I can't pinpoint exactly what's got me so down, I just know, a lot of things are. It sucks too because today started out to be a pretty decent day. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst either. The day still had the potential to be good, until later on. I've had a quote stuck in my head lately about being sad and just in a bad mood.
"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there because you can't remember the time of your life when it wasn't. But one day, you feel something else. Something that feels wrong only because it's so unfamiliar and in that moment you realize, you're happy."

Today's one of those days where the pain is just there. I've worked hard on trying to block this feeling out, trying not to feel bad, not to have this pain inside me. The energy I usually have to not think about this pain is gone for the moment. I'm having trouble not feeling like shit and feeling crappy about everything I see.

I tried getting my feelings across by updating my facebook status-guarenteeing someone would see it. Hoping maybe someone in my life would take notice, say something. However when I was trying to think of the words to say, it all sounded too...sad, too depressing to put up there. I've made it, kinda like my mantra, that I'm very open about who I am. However it feels like I'm contradicting myself because I can't put what I want as my facebook status. I can't even believe that's what its come to in this day and age. I'm thinking about putting a 'facebook status.' I guess it sort of leans into me just wanting to talk to someone. I want to be distracted, I don't want to be feeling down like this. I want to talk to someone to help make me feel better, and for some reason, I can't find a person. Which in therefore leads to more pain and sadness. So im stuck saying, what can I do. Who can I turn to?
I use to have to just silence this pain and sadness. I didn't even have the possibility back then to even think about reaching out to someone. I had no names in mine who would listen to me and who I felt would make me feel better or help me. I can now though, but still, right now, I feel like I'm all alone. I feel like I can't call these people.
I've felt for the past couple of...days, maybe even weeks my friendships being very unbalanced. The values I've placed on my relationship with a friend is different then the values they put on it. Understandably I feel like I value the friendships more. I've had this theme of unbalance come across in many ways just over the course of these past few days, and I'm feeling a bit now. I guess I'm just tired and starting to be overcome with loneliness...which is starting to build the pain inside again. My quote-sometimes the pain you feel just starts to become you. You don't know how it is without this pain, nor do you have the tools to fix it. You get stuck. --I thought I could finish that quote with something inspiring but...I guess I can't today. I just feel stuck. and lonely. and just pain. I'm feeling down in the dumps.

The drops of rain they fall all over
This awkward silence makes me crazy
The glow inside burns light upon her
I'll try to kiss you if you let me
(this can't be the end)

Tidal waves they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad

Down down down down
Down down down down
It gets me so
Down down down down
Down down down down
It gets me so

Your vows of silence fall all over
The look in your eyes makes me crazy
I feel the darkness break upon her
I'll take you over if you let me
(You did this)

Tidal waves they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad.

Down down down down
Down down down down
It gets me so
Down down down down
Down down down down
It gets me so

-Down, Blink 182