Tried

You know today, i just really wanted some peace and quiet. I stayed away from communication with most people. I just didn't feel up to it today to talk with anyone...but you. i was hoping you would text me, or reach out to me in some way. You would have been the person to make me feel better, or the one I wanted to make me feel better. But instead I chose to just not talk, not reach out to anyone. I felt like i needed to do that for myself. I'm also reeling from a birthday debacle that hurt me in some ways. I'll post the entry I wrote about that day in another post. But sometimes I do feel like I need to go into a shell, just to gain perspective, or just to have some quiet and think. And the thoughts I came up with today? I never got stressed before about these friendships i've made. I never over-analyzed at least not to the point were it kept me up all night and it was all i thought about. You know, I just, i never gave too much thought about me and you. I always thought we were just friends, great friends. I never once felt like it could be something more. Once light was shed that you might have felt differently I told myself, still...dont think it could be something more. Don't think too much into this revelation just so I wouldn't get hurt. I wouldn't be left after you were gone, thinking about you and having these feelings for you. And...on the flip side of everything, it still turned out this way. But it just boggles my mind because at the start of all this and the majority of our friendship, thats all that I thought about it. We were just really good friends. My own insecurities about not wanting to bother you or fearing i talked to much with you was never an issue before. But its different now and these insecurities became present. Along with these insecurities came feelings and me constantly thinking about you and our situation. Oh how i just wish I could say all this to you and figure some sort of stable ground. Or really just decided whether this can become something more or we just forget it all together. Someone said to me the other day that this friendship has already changed so either go forth or just forget about it all because it wasn't worth it, and if you didn't feel the same way, then it definitely isn't worth it.