a person can only take so much

I don't know whens the last time I wrote in this thing, but I'm pretty sure one of the few last times I did write in this thing it was about the same topic. A person can only take so much. I look around me, hear it from other people, celebrities and such are always thanking their mother, saying how close they are, blah shit blah. I have no such relationship with my mother. I can't even say more than a sentence with her at a time before shes yelling, criticizing me, or talking down to me like I'm an idiot and can't understand anything. A person can only take so much. I might as well walk around this house like a ghost when its just me and her home because she never acknowledges me anyway. She'll postpone dinner by 2/3 hours just so she can have another person at the dinner table she can talk to because god forbid she even try to have a conversation with me at the dinner table. Oh i can try, but usually whenever I say a word, or a sentence I'll have her yell at me at the end of it. Bad enough sometimes she has her back turned to me at the table and only addresses the other person at the table. Hell, she never talks to me unless she absolutely has to. A person can only take so much before the resentment and anger starts bubbling up and rising over the top and spilling over. It's only a matter of time that all the anger I've had building up inside of me from all the times I've gotten yelled at or accused of something that made absolutely no sense comes out. I can see it happening now and it won't be pretty. Imagine for god knows how long, longer than I can remember that every time I've spoken to my mom I can only remember either getting yelled at, accused of something, or just simply mistaken ergo ends up with me getting yelled at and my mother upset at me. Imagine years of that, without having able to speak you're mind. Having to hold your tongue OVER and OVER again because even if you say something that wasn't at all provoking the situation it would be taken that way. There is nothing I can say...NOTHING that makes the situation better. Hell I've even said sorry and I was wrong in the middle of an argument and it made situations worst! What's even worst about that is I shouldn't have been the one saying sorry! I didn't do anything! Its incredibly frustrating to deal with this on a DAILY basis. To constantly know you can't say anything to you're mom for fear that you'll upset her in some fucking way and she'll get mad and yell at you for something you said! It's not like I say something to her out of anger. I just speak my mind, but god forbid i do that in this house, at least with her because I always get in trouble for it. She yells at me, criticizes me or simply misunderstands and makes me feel like a jackass. 9 out of 10 times everything i say to her ends up with her upset at me. I'm serious when it comes to those numbers and it makes me so upset that it comes down to that. I seriously can't say anything in this house, let alone to her because I always get her upset therefore I get the whole house upset. Hell hath no fury like my mother. She yells at everyone for nonsense when she gets mad at me. So the situation, like my father says, just don't say anything, you can't win with your mother. My own father knows this and told me not to say anything to her. Just never talk to her. I have physical two scars on my arm due to the conflicts I've had with my mother and a whole boat/shit load of psychological ones from her. So many times I envision myself having to go to therapy to deal with this shit because honestly, I can't talk/speak my own mind in this house. This has been going on for as long as I can remember with my mother and I don't/wouldn't know how to fix it because honestly I can't say anything to her without it getting misconstrued as her thinking I'm "giving her attitude." Even if I try to explain myself she has it embedded so far into her head how "I am" and she can't see me for who am I and who she thinks I am/acting. How do you get past that? I'm afraid that I can't/don't know how, therefore this will just keep going and my relationship with my mother will get further and further apart. Further than how it already is. I mean how much further can we get than us not speaking to each other? Our relationship is so cold and distant we might as well live in two different places. I'm not sure there's a way back from this distance and I'm sure as hell positive she won't be making the first step and if I try, it will most likely end up in an argument. I mean how to you go from not being able to really speak to your mother for years, whom you live in the same house yet feel thousands of miles apart when every time you talk it ends up with her yelling and getting mad? How? I just end up getting upset by the fact that I don't have a relationship with my mother and it continues to be buried further and further. Those miles apart are piling up with each second that passes.