HOW the fuck

How is it that I go the entire year being completely single...with a few "hms" here and there, but within these past three days have gotten: a new potential interest, hottie i may add, who may be very very good for me, and then my ex who i've been still hung up on, wanting to talk to me and then tonight....a old, OLD friend making out with me in the backseat of the car....seriously? seriously. I just needed to get this out there so i definitely remember this the next day. Not that I am at all drunk. but still.

jesus fucking christ. what the fuck is happening.

Holy crap it's been about a year

Holy crap it's been about a year since things ended between me and my most recent ex. It just sort of hit me tonight as I was getting ready for bed, recapping my day and thinking to myself, well I would like someone to share what happened to me today and then BAM-my head thought of that guy. It's been about a year and yet I'm still not fully over him yet. I think about him every now again and still wish things could have worked out. I guess I just don't understand how that is and how I'm not fully over him yet. I guess because he was that one for me, the special "once in a lifetime" type guy. Though if I really think about it, he's probably not *that* high on the scale for descriptive as well as present time purposes he is that guy. I guess I always out him on a high ledistal because I like him for so long, he was the one my mind would always go back to, the one that got away. And when things finally started to happen between us it was almost like a dream, or too good to be true. I haven't felt the way I felt about him when we were together, before. Also if I do say so myself the chemistry was there between us, it was unlike anything I ever felt before. Yet it didn't wok out. It still boggles my mind on what exactly happened and there are still a few questions left unsaid and I guess I don't know what to do about that. I felt that he didnt give me a full answer or a legitimate excuse on why things weren't working out. Yes I understood him when he said he felt like he should be making the efforts to be my boyfriend but couldn't at the time. Whatever, he did just get out of a five year relationship. Again maybe it was my fault for gettin involved with him so soon after his breakup but whatever I felt like I couldnt pass up the opportunity. Anyway, there have been times where I am thankful I'm not in a committed relationship, solely because I just don't have the time. Grad school has been kicking my ass, at least at this point not to mention my other workloads which adds twice the amount of time commitment. I hardly have time to keep in check with myself let alone devote time to speak with a significant other. I will say though, there are times where I miss having that one person to talk to. The person who understands and is there for me when I need them. It's that companionship I miss. I mean obviously the physicality of having someone in your life as well. But mostly that. I don't know where I wa going with this. But I just felt the need to get these thoughts out. To be continued...hopefully