best friend

So I just discovered the gem that is Girls on HBO and oh my. I think I found my new favorite show. Now I never got into sex and the city, though I feel like this is the sex and the city of this generation, or at least for me now. I may new to watch sex and the city now after watching this but thats a sidenote. Anyway, this show is amazing. It makes me want to finally be able to live though. It makes me want to be able to move out of my parents house so bad and just live my life. Hell I'm in my damn 20's this is the time I should be doing everything! I never got to go away for college, I got gypped out of a real college experience so I never got to do anything crazy. I never got to go through an "experimental phase" or any of that other stereotypical college stuff, frat parties, etc. Also after watching the show I realized, i don't have a best friend. Now I have known this for a long time but this show just reinstated this to the fullest extent. I don't have any girlfriends I can call my best friend as much as I want to. That, I believe is one of the biggest things I want in life. I feel at my core, this is what i want and I'm lacking it. All i've ever wanted was to have someone in my life, to not feel alone like I do. Being lonely is my biggest fear. Yes, all the stereotypical things, I mean I would love millions of dollars and all my "problems" could just vanish away, but in essence, all i've ever really wanted was to not feel lonely. To feel like I had someone in my life I could always count on. And I don't feel like I have that person, at least not in a friend or romantic type way. This is the biggest thing that causes me pain and feel like the lowest human being when I realize I don't have this. I feel as though I have nothing. And while, none of this writing is making sense right now, but all i am doing is writing whatever comes to mind. I am not thinking about how it is sounding or worrying about my writing and trying to sound articulate or whatever. I am just purely having my thoughts stream out. I wish I had a best friend. That is what I want.