Time

Time is a funny thing. It's constant. There's no changing it, it happens whether we like it or not sometimes. Sometimes time helps heal the wounds we have and sometimes it makes those wounds we have, bigger.
I started this blog in November 2009 and now its Feburary 2010. Sure its only been four months but actually, i'm quite surprise i've kept this blog up for so long. It doesn't seem like four months is a long time but looking back at the entries and remembering what i've been going through for these past four months..it feels like a journey. Four months ago i needed something to turn to, to express the thoughts and feelings I was having because there was no one I could turn too. I've dealt with some of the lowest lows and highest highs these past four months and looking back today, its hard to imagine that it's only been four months. It feels like a whirl wind.
I've had to deal with losing one of my closet friends these past few months. Slowly but surely I have. I had to go through a time where I felt like I was losing him to someone else then have him come back in my life, though slightly different. Then again losing him slowly once again. There was a time where I would think about this person everyday. You could see it in one of my previous post about how comfortable I felt around him, how I thought about him everyday. It's funny how time changes those feelings. I went day by day thinking about him with nothing happening. I went through each day hoping our friendship or relationship would bounce back to normal or escalate into something better, but it never did. Instead I just lived day by day without my 'best' friend to talk to. After talking to this person everyday for, god knows how long and it seemed like forever, I wasn't anymore. I had to get use to the fact that this person was no longer there for me to talk to anymore.
Days would go by and I would silently wait and hope that we would somehow find our way back. However sometimes during those days I got hurt by the very same person I was hoping to change this situation we were in. I had convinced myself that this was just a phase and it wouldn't go on too long. Things were just off for the moment but they would bounce back. However those days just dragged out longer and longer and I was getting hurt more and more each day. I finally had to come to the realization that things weren't going to change. All this hoping and waiting wasn't doing anything and it surely wasn't doing any good for me. And so I had to start letting go. I had to go through my days not thinking about this person which at the time I thought was impossible. And now...now that time has past, I realize I do think about this person less. I'm not waiting around anymore or hoping because it did me no good. It's just now I realize just how much time and how far we've come.
There use to be a time where not a day went by without us speaking to each other and now I'd be more surprise if I heard from that person then the silence I receive everyday.
Time is helping. The days our passing by me and the pain I feel is becoming less and less. It's still prominent, and probably will be for some time but its less, slightly less then the day before. And now I just have to go on with my life not hoping for a change in this person because the alternative hurts more.